Free fall and trust

Image from Samma Samadhi

I will admit it.  I have a problem with trust.

No, not with the little things, like trusting someone else to make the dinner reservations or drive the car pool.  But with the big things.  Like trusting friends to be around when they say they will, or trusting in the universe to provide.

But most of all, I have a problem in the whole idea of trusting someone to take care of me, when I need help.

I won't go into the reasons why.  There are several, and they have left me shaky in many ways. But the why is not important.  It's the effect that matters now.

I am about to leap into a free fall.  And it will involve trusting someone to be there, to take care of me, until I can get my bearings, and find a new direction.  And I am scared.  Really scared.

I love the man I am trusting to catch me.  My husband is an amazing person, a strong, gentle, loving, caring man.

And yet....it's freefall.

I'm scared.

And the hatred continues...

Yesterday in my e-mail I received a hate letter to all Muslims allegedly penned by a John Maniscalco, an American Airline pilot. A few minutes of investigating revealed that the letter was a hoax, and that their pilot by this name denies any involvement in it.

Michelle Simmons, customer relations representative for America Airlines, told BreakTheChain.org that they are investigating the matter, but have not yet found the letter's source. And that “On September 12th, our Chairman issued a statement to all American employees specifically stating that we would not tolerate hate of any kind at our Company. That statement remains true today."

And from Snopes.com, “The origins of "You Worry Me" remain murky — it first appeared on the Internet in June 2002, but attempts to verify whether its real author is an American Airlines pilot and/or someone named John Maniscalco have led to dead ends. “

The fact remains that someone wrote this piece…and here is my response. I hope you will read it…

To whomever penned this letter:

I wish I could say I understand and sympathize with your fears. But I do not.

I do not wish this because I want to share your fears and distrust, but so I could better address the many errors they represent.

Sadly, the facts and emotions you cite in your letter are born less of truth and understanding than of of paying attention to the ramblings of media talking heads who are paid to incite fear and distrust in the name of higher ratings and more expensive commercial rates.

You asked for answers...please allow me to humbly offer you a different perspective.

I would like to address your points one by one. For ease of following my response, I will be inserting my response into your original text in green. I challenge you ---all of you – to read to the end. Please.


YOU WORRY ME!" allegedly by American Airlines Pilot – Captain John Maniscalco

I've been trying to say this since 9-11, but you worry me. I wish you didn't. I wish when I walked down the streets of this country that I love, that your color and culture still blended with the beautiful human landscape we enjoy in this country. But you don't blend in anymore. I notice you, and it worries me.

Did you know that the majority of the world's Muslim population is not Arabic? And that odds just as likely that the majority of people you are "noticing" as you move through your day are Jewish, Christian, Hindu, or Sikh? People of all faiths have been attacked and even killed on our streets since September 11th simply because someone "thought they looked Muslim." Did you know that the largest population of Muslims is in Indonesia, with significant numbers in India -- not Arabic countries at all?

I notice you because I can't help it anymore. People from your homelands, professing to be Muslims, have been attacking and killing my fellow citizens and our friends for more than 20 years now. I don't fully understand their grievances and hate, but I know that nothing can justify the inhumanity of their attacks.

The men who hijacked the planes on September 11th had spent the days before hand drinking and engaging in sexual activity with women. These are documented facts. They then killed thousands of innocent people.

As the killing of innocents and to a lesser extent, both alcohol use and extramarital sexual activity are strictly forbidden by the Qu'ran, clearly these men were not practicing Muslims, any more than the members of the IRA who bombs malls or Timothy McVey who bombed the building in Oklahoma are Christians, although they all claimed to be. And we do not brand the entire Christian community for the acts of Mr. McVey and his fellow mass murders who also attacked and killed our fellow citizens. Nor do we condemn all Irish people for the acts of IRA.

As for not understanding the basis for long standing dislike of the US among certain countries, please, please start with a basic review of history...of the many governments we have set up and armed in that region, only to bomb and destroy at will when the puppet governments no longer suit our purpose or play our game. I would refer you to the archives of the New York Times, Washington Post, Baltimore Sun, Miami Herald or any other major newspaper to read the news stories concerning our friends/foes in the Middle East and North Africa. You will be amazed at the vast discrepancies between what the news media reports today about the events and what was written at the time things actually happened.

This does not justify September 11th. Nothing does. But it answers your question about hatred.

Sadly most Americans are grossly uninformed about their own history, and thus are easily swayed by the media. Shame on us...we should know better.

On September 11, nineteen ARAB-MUSLIMS hijacked four jetliners in my country. they cut the throats of women in front of children and brutally stabbed to death others. they took control of those planes and crashed them into buildings killing thousands of proud fathers, loving sons, wise grandparents, elegant daughters, best friends, favorite coaches, fearless public servants, and children's mothers.

As stated above, the individuals were no more Muslim than McVey was a Christian. History is replete with examples of people who assumed a religious label to justify horrific acts of violence. Few religions have not seen this tragedy. We should be able to see through this guise by now. But it is still trotted out by power-hungry people worldwide and in every faith, and still used to justify hatred and retaliation against honest practitioners of the target faith. Shame on us...again, we should know better.

The Palestinians Celebrated, the Iraqis were overjoyed as was most of the Arab World. So, I notice you now. I don't want to be worried. I don't want to be
consumed by the same rage and hate and prejudice that has destroyed the soul of these terrorists. But I need your help. As a rational American, trying to protect my country and family in an irrational and unsafe world, I must know how to tell the difference between you, and the Arab/Muslim terrorist.

After September 11th, did you approach your Muslim friends and neighbors to ask how they felt about the tragedy? Were they happy? Or were they as devastated as you? Did you start there when you were seeking answers?

Or could it be that you have never talked with a Muslim, except perhaps for a brief exchange in a business setting? Who are the Muslims in your neighborhood? Have you visited their homes? Invited them to yours? Shared a dinner? Gotten to know their children? Or are you relying on the sensationalist media to tell you who Muslims are and what they believe? There is hardly a person in this country who does not know that television is run on ratings...and that includes the news...and yet we are willing to swallow wholesale the "facts" they tell us and change our lives based on that "information." Why? Shame on us...it's time we considered the source before we believe anything

And once again, I need to point out that using the phrase "Arab/Muslim" as though the two are interchangeable is incorrect, as the majority of the world's Muslims are not Arabic, and many Arabs are not Muslim.

See the rest of the letter and my reply on To Be Continued ...

Mommy, I touched a snake!!!

My nine year old is visiting her dad in Pennsylvania for the summer. I love her daily updates on her adventures away from home.

Today she called me all excited..."Mommy there was this wildlife exhibit...and I touched a black snake!"

I was astounded by her bravery.

This is a child who has had a fear of snakes that seems to have started at birth.

Before she could talk, she would flail in panic in her bath as though something was on her feet. She would awaken in terror in the night, doing the same...kicking and screaming in terror. When she began to talk, her bathtime and nighttime terrors were accompanied by a scream of "NAKE! NAKE!" I was baffled.

It was not until we made a trip to a science museum that I understood what she had been trying to say...she took one look at the reptile exhibit and screamed, trying to pull in her feet and hide..."Nake! NAKE!" she yelled from under her blanket. We were standing in front of the snake cages. As far as I know, that was the very first time she ever saw a snake. And yet her fear had predated that exposure by months.

A few time before, she has tried to approach a snake. She has watched, from a distance of several yards, while I handled a boa at a mall nature booth. But her terror prevented her from coming any closer.

But today, she gathered her bravery and TOUCHED a snake. "It's cool and soft, Mommy" she told me, her voice bursting with pride. "And I touched it!"

I stand in awe -- she has faced a fear that has haunted her throughout her entire life. At nine years old.

How many of us are so brave as to touch our greatest fear?

Of course, there is a price for me to pay for her triumph...she wants me to go on the Great Bear roller coaster at Hershey Park when I go up there later this summer.

I am TERRIFIED of rollar coasters! But unfortunately, unlike with snakes, just touching the ride doesn't count.

I only hope at the end of July, I will be as brave as my 9 year old daughter...but her example is going to be a hard one to follow!

Going home to someplace you never knew was home

(Written in Elizabethtown, Pennsylvania)

A year ago this past April, I loaded up my car and my two daughters and the most precious of our possessions and left Central Pennsylvania for Florida. I am from Florida. It's the place where I grew up, where I know every road and shortcut and the best beaches and the best places to play hooky from work on a beautiful day (thank you Pam Houston for teaching me how important it is to know where to misbehave!)

I was never very happy in Pennsylvania...I knew that the people who lived here were generally from here and I thought they had no interest in newcomers. I saw the sky as usually grey, and winters felt cold, damp and long. I was glad to get back to Florida, to the land of beaches and palm trees and festivals outdoors all winter long. I've been happy there. My career is doing well, my daughter who faced the challenges of Juvenile Arthritis is doing better and both girls are excelling in school.

Friday I came back to Pennsylvania for my son's high school graduation. He lives with his dad up here. And since I arrived, I've discovered something disconcerting.

This place that I could not wait to leave in the rear view mirror, feels like home.

I am confused.

Or rather I was. As I sat high atop a hill overlooking the green valleys and farm land below me, a cool fresh breeze blowing the trees gently, I realized the truth.

View looking down over Elizabethtown

It was not the place I did not like. It was my life in this place.

When I lived here, I lived in a big 227 year old house that needed an endless amount of work. There were electrical, plumbing, heating and maintenance challenges. There were always too many things to fix to ever allow for spending money on things of beauty or comfortable furniture. The walls and ceiling and floors seeped 200 plus years of dust and dirt no matter how often I swept or vacuumed or wiped or scrubbed.

In the summer the house was hot. In the winter it was cold.

And for most of the time here, I was in a very bad marriage. It was sad and ugly and destructive to my self esteem and happiness. Peace and happiness were elusive.

And last but certainly not least, I was broke and financially dependent.

The combination of all of those factors made me hate where I lived. Made me run as soon as I finally gathered the strength and the money to go.

And now I am back. Visiting. And perhaps finally seeing this place for all it really is instead of as a part of my miserable life.

View from the Masonic Home

It is beautiful.

In my haste to escape, I overlooked so much of the beauty. I turned my back on good friends and even more potential good friends I could not see through my struggles.

For the past three days, I have been the recipient of countless hugs. In stores, restaurants, schools and homes, I have been asked over and over if I am back. Even the woman who handed me my iced tea at Wendy's was glad to see me and asked where I had been.

Without even realizing, I became a part of this town. I had a home. I just never knew it until now.

I cannot regret leaving. I think I needed to go away to find my footing, to understand my strengths and weaknesses and learn to trust myself. I need to go to the place I always thought of as home through all my years away to find out where I already had a home.

Is it time to come home for good?

Not every bad guy is a terrorist...creating an environment of fear

On my desk, there is a jar of contaminated peanut butter. I know it's contaminated because the numbers match the recall that was on TV and radio a few weeks back. I just found it in the back of my pantry, and I am taking it back to the store today.

To me, it's a sign that the company that makes Peter Pan peanut butter has a problem with cleanliness in their factory. Or someone has a pet turtle and forgot to wash their hands before handling the peanuts or the jars. Or maybe even a disgruntled employee caught between rising costs of living and flat earnings decided to take his/her anger out but adding a little extra something to a batch or two.

To one of the women in my office, it's terrorism. Everything is terrorism these days. Someone goes postal and shoots up a Philadelphia office building or Salt Lake City mall, and they are terrorists. Someone builds a pipe bomb to get back at a business or love rival and they are a terrorist. And now, someone may have forgotten to wash their hands and they too are a terrorist.

The definition is retroactive, too. Remember the Tylenol poisoning years ago. The crazies who engineered that stunt are no longer criminals...they too were terrorists. I know because I heard it last night on the news. Basically anyone who does anything that scares us or harms someone is, by definition, a terrorist. (Are you listening George W. Bush? That means you!)

I am not denying that there are some weird people out there who commit some pretty horrifying acts...but what happened to terms like psychopath or criminal?

By using the term "terrorist" so easily and so quickly we do two things. We elevate the common criminal and run-of-the-mill wack job to the level of a participant in an international enemy group out to destroy all we stand for as Americans or Brits, thus handing them far more status than they deserve.

But even more frightening, we hand those in power the tools they need to pass ever more draconian laws to "protect" us, and strip us of freedom after freedom. As Americans cringe under their virtual desks from these make-believe terrors and cry out to be protected from the risks that are and have always been a part of life, we become like children.

But too many of us forget that the "Mommies" and "Daddies" to whom we are handing over our freedom and personal power are NOT benevolent parents. They are the very people the Comstitution was created to protect us FROM! Our founding fathers and mothers knew that the greatest enemy of the people was the government! Our own government. But sadly, we have forgotten that lesson and the price they paid to try a create a system to reign in the power of government.

Every time we buy into the government hype and media frenzy for fear, quietly throwing away our water bottles and shampoo and eyebrow tweezers as we enter the airport because someone in power says it will make us safer, we take a step further from freedom. And freedom lost is almost never regained.

What if everyone stood up and said no, we will not surrender our water bottles and hand lotion just because you said so? And if that means we give up a vacation flight to stand up for freedom, so be it. It is a small price to pay for our freedom. Within one week, the silly rules would go away.

And can't we just go back to calling criminals criminals, and crazies crazies? And save the hyperbole for the movie screen?