What I learned at the Texas Conference for Women

For the third year in a row (all three years I've been in Texas!), I was lucky enough to go to the Texas Conference for Women. I was busy again this year, handling the Instgram feed for the Conference, so I didn't get a lot of time to stay in one place and listen to as many speakers as I might like -- but that doesn't mean I don't get to learn a lot. A whole lot.

Here are some of my take-away's from this year's conference:

From Soledad O'Brien's story about her first job at a TV station after graduating from Harvard: No job is beneath you if it helps you follow your dreams. She started out removing staples from bulletin boards at the station!

From Diana Nyad: Too old is something other people tell you that you are. Ignore them and go for it! (She swam from Cuba to Key West, Florida last year at age 64.)

From John Gray, author and relationship speaker: Men and women really are different on a chemical level. And it controls what stresses us out, what makes us feel good and what works for us on the job and at home. We need to accept that equal doesn't mean "the same." (This is a big challenge to many who have fought for identical treatment for men and women at work.)

From Tamara Mellon, former CEO at Jimmy Choo and founder of her own brand: It's okay to ask for help. People want to help. We women have a hard time asking for help from colleagues, other professionals, our role models. But we need to start. (I have a BIG problem with this!)

From Debbie Sterling, founder of Goldieblox: The solution isn't in getting boys and girls to think the same way. It's in seeing how they think, and creating toys/games/lessons that match their engagement style. (The not the same, but still equal theme was running strong at this year's conference.)

From Anita Perry, Texas First Lady: One idea, like this conference, can change thousands of lives. Start where you are. She did exactly that, and fifteen years later, we're still going strong!

From Sunni Brown: All of my doodling during classes and meetings and phone conferences wasn't a waste of time!  It was a key to creativity!  (LOVED this message the most! My notebooks and note pads are FILLED with doodles!)

From one of the vendors: There are still Tupperware parties! And they still sell this shape sorter I think most of us had as kids! (I love stumbling on this kind of stuff!)

__________

That's a lot of learning for one day, especially when I think of all the sessions I didn't get to see. I will be watching the videos on YouTube when they go up, to catch what I missed and add more to what I watched.

I don't remember how I found the conference that first year, but I am blessed that I did. And I have been blessed every year since, with new ideas and new inspiration. At the end of the long day, I am grateful to collapse on the train heading home -- but I am so glad I went, too.

Next year if we're still in Texas, I'll be there again. Instagramming. Tweeting. And above all, learning.

After two and a half years in Texas

After two and half years in Texas,

I have only four 512 numbers in my phone,

I have never gone to the mall with someone other than my family,

never gone to lunch with someone outside of a group event or business need.

never had someone ask me to go out to a coffee house...and actually show up.

After two and half years in Texas,

I haven't been invited to a birthday party

Or a baby shower

Or a wedding

Or dinner.

After two and a half years in Texas,

Everyone I call a friend is at least 1200 miles away

No one has ever come into my house to see me

And there isn't a single door I could knock on and expect a welcome.

After two and half years in Texas,

I have had dozens of empty "let's get together",

followed by countless broken plans

and a few times not even knowing plans were broken until I showed up...and they didn't.

After two and half years in Texas,

I have been treated as a resource, not a potential friend.

Countless people have asked for advice on websites

And social media and writing...

Dozens have told me about their needs

And struggles

And fears....

Then walked away without caring to hear mine.

After two and half years in Texas,

I have been told at least a thousand times

how wonderful Austin is,

how friendly Texans are,

how great is it to live here.

After two and half years in Texas,

I know your words are empty,

your promises are lies

and your welcomes are meaningless.

And I know that however hot your summers may be,

Deep in the heart of Texas, it's nothing but ice.

Throughts while blogging from the Texas Conference for Women

(My tablet weirded  out yesterday during the conference, so I had to wait until the day after the conference  to publish this! Gotta love technology!)

Right now I'm sitting in the Texas M.I.L.K. bloggers lounge at the conference, catching my breath and taking a minute to think about what I've heard so far.

But before I talk about the "official program", I wanted to mention something I heard two women talking about. It seemed that they had just met at the table. They chatted for a minute or two and then when speaker Gretchen Rubin talked about how important good relationships are to happiness one said...

"I would bet that half of the women in this room are lonely. It's so hard to make friends."

The other woman just nodded, then said "Who has time?"

And there, right there, was my post from yesterday. Here, in a room with nearly 5000 women, loneliness was a real issue.

And in quite a few presentations today, I've heard the same theme.

No time for friends. Seeing people once a month or every six weeks is now counted as good enough. No time for one on one visits, so group activities where you can see a bunch of people is good enough. Women starved for connection.  Women lonely in the midst of lives that leave them with too many tasks and not enough time to breathe. Women who are seldom if ever far from other people, and yet missing the whole category of friends from their lives.

When I wrote that post yesterday, I had no idea my rant would be repeated in a major conference the very next day. But the extent of my experience with this bone-deep loneliness for girlfriends, and the fact that the same theme was repeated over and over again means that it is NOT just me!  It's most of us.  Maybe almost all of us.

So what do we do?  I wish I had an answer!  I wish someone at the conference had an answer. Maybe just getting the reality out there and into our consciousness is the first step. I desperately, passionately hope so.

(Now that I can see this post so far, I see that it's too long to add the conference coverage part, so watch for that is my Thursday post!)

Bring it on, Autumn!

 

Once upon a time, for a few years, I didn't like autumn. Well, not entirely. I did love the colors of the leaves.  And the snap in the air.  And I always loved the feeling of taking long walks wrapped in a cozy sweater and boots, with the scent of fireplace smoke in the air.

What I didn't like for those few years was the knowledge that this most perfect of seasons was followed by winter.  And I lived in a 200+ year old farmhouse that was never ever warm enough in winter. I dreaded the days ahead when I would huddle over the floor vents to get even slightly warm enough. When fireplaces were great for keeping one side warm...but your other side would be ice cold.

That fear of what was to come robbed me of any joy I had in autumn. But things changed when I moved back to Florida. Suddenly autumn wasn't about impending winter.  It wasn't even about all those wonderful colors outside or long chilly walks.  It was all about the decorations I put up in the house.

My daughters and I decked our Coral Springs apartment with garlands of silk autumn leaves and bowls filled with mock pumpkins and gourds. We lit Yankee Candles in scents like cinnamon spice and Autumn leaves. And we made hearty soups and spicy pumpkin bread.  Despite the 70 degrees outside, we created autumn inside. Sure, there would be cool or even cold days in winter.  But we couldn't wait.

Now we're in Texas, where summer's awful heat reaches deep into fall. But unlike in Florida, there are a few days, like today, when a real feel of autumn is in the air.  Last night, we went for a wonderful walk when the air was around 50 degrees and heading down. And we smelled wood smoke in the air, from a nearby fireplace.  Yes, it will sadly go back up to the 90's later this week :-(  -- but for a few days, we had real autumn.

And inside, we have continued our practice from our Florida days.  The fireplace is decked out with garland and autumn flowers and just a bit of Halloween. The front porch has it's own taste of autumn, too, with our decorated chair and a step basket overflowing with autumn colors.

In the kitchen we draped the light with more leaves, and scattered some around on shelves.  With no threat of a too-cold house for months ahead, we can enjoy our taste of autumn to its fullest.

So as much as I would love to be seeing the beauty of a full Pennsylvania autumn, I think I'll just be happy with what I have today.  So bring it on, autumn. Leave those hot temps far behind...we're decorated and ready for everything you have to offer here in Texas.

Texas rain

It rained last weekend.

For those of you who aren't in Texas, that might seem like a pretty meaningless statement.  "So what", I can hear my friends and family in Florida saying. "It rains every day."

But not in Texas.  In Texas, I've learned, rain is a precious thing. Instead of an every day occurrence, it's a rare treat.

Each time rain is even a slight possibility, I become an Accuweather junkie.  I keep it on the first menu page on my phone, my tablet and my computer.  I start the TV on the Weather Channel.

My level of hope rises and falls with the number at the bottom of the page.  "20% chance on Friday.  Okay, that's better than yesterday when it was only a 10% chance for Friday.  We're going in the right direction."  Or "Heck!  It was a 60% chance for rain this weekend, but now it's only 40%. No!!!"

And when it does rain, I try to make sure I am where I can see and hear it. I don't want to miss a single moment of that wonderful moist air.

I go for walks in it. I take pictures. And then when it ends, I return to my post on Accuweather, looking for the next day without a zero at the bottom.

I miss the daily rain. I miss knowing that if I missed a chance to dance in the rain today, there was always tomorrow. Here, missing a single rain shower could mean waiting weeks for the next precious drops.

And maybe that's a lesson for me. In so many things, even things I already love like rainy days or great beaches or my family or my friends, maybe I haven't been paying enough attention. Maybe there's been too much of the "there's always tomorrow", and not enough of the "who knows when (or if) this will come again."

I hope I won't always have to live where rain is such a scarce commodity, or friends out of reach for a spur-of-the-moment lunch. But even when I am back in the world of daily rain, and when friends and family and beaches are all within reach, I hope I will remember this lesson. I hope that even in abundance, even in bounty, I will remember to be grateful for every single drop.

Magic in the wind

It's only been autumn for two days but already the air is different. No, not New England or Colorado different. It's still hot here in Texas, and aside from the sprinkling of dry leaves on my patio, there's no sign of autumn colors.

But the trees are blowing instead of standing motionless in the searing summer heat. And the air that's tossing my hair into tangles is cooler. The light is different too...more intense and richer than the blinding summer light.

It makes me dream of cool nights, soft quilts, warm sweaters, bowls of hot soup, and crackling fires on long evenings shared with friends and stories and laughter.

Odds are the heat will stick around awhile longer here. And the leaves might not ever turn orange or red. But if the Farmer's Almanac is right, the season of warm sweaters and hot soup isn't far away.
I'll wait. It is all coming...it's in the magic in the air.

Happy Autumn!

Texas high school mums, Part 2!

A few days ago, I posted about the mysteries of something high school students in Texas call "mums."  Well, now, thanks to some great Austin bloggers, a lot of web searches, and some very amused but thankfully patient people at Michael's, my daughter had her own mum in time for Homecoming Day. 

Decked out in orange and white, this mass of silk flowers, plastic hanging bits, tiny cow bells, hot glue, staples and more ribbon than I could have imagined took shape last night on our kitchen table. 

 I hung it in the Hoosier overnight, in part to keep the ribbons straight, and in part to prevent the cat (and/or the dog) from turning our hard work into the latest drag-out-into-the-yard  toy.

 One thing we didn't know until last night was that friends make mums for friends!  But when my daughter found out, she took the teddy bear that was supposed to live in the center of the mum, and made it into a beautiful mum-i-fied (giggle!) gift for her Austin BFF.

 The mum made it through the night unscathed and on to my daughter.

I may not understand these craft store concoctions (and as a scrapebooker, I usually love all crafts!) but I'm glad we found out in time to create our own masterpiece. Thank you to all who helped explain the mysteries of the Texas mum! 

The Weirdness that is SXSW...and Austin

My first SXSW.  I have heard about it...I have seen videos and pictures.  But this was the real thing, in all its high energy craziness! 

There were parties....

And concerts....

Cat and I got to learn how to weld...really!  It was something I ALWAYS wanted to try and now I have done it!

And Cat got to paint part of the mural on the side of a building,

There were protests and activists....

And posters on every flat surface....

There were even, er, um aliens...I think....

And then there's the swag....By the end of the event, I had 9 new t-shirts, 36 pins, 12 CD's, 22 reusable bags, a multi-tool, 2 hats, 2 water bottle holders, 3 whistles, a couple of pairs of earrings, a hoodie with headphones built in, more pens and magazines and posters than I can count....and what fun it was to get all of them!

Yup, SXSW was amazing, even though I missed a few days with the flu ... (note to self....if it's 40 degrees and raining and the parties are 10 blocks apart, TAKE AN UMBRELLA!)

And next year, it will be even better.  I can hardly wait!