Monday, 5 October 2009
Loving a person vs looking for a clone
Open letter to a friend:
The question was about love, and loving someone who was, in some ways, your perfect match, and in other ways, very different from yourself.
You love her, and yet you ended the relationship because she did not share all of your beliefs. You admit that it was the best relationship you've ever had, or believe you ever will have, and yet, you said goodbye?
I'm afraid you're confusing a clone with a partner.
A clone is exactly the same. A partner shares some aspects of your life, and differs in others.
A clone never challenges you to grow or change or question. A partner brings into the relationship new ideas, new thoughts, new vitality.
A clone can never really make the choice to love you because they are, essentially, already you. A partner makes a conscious choice to say "I love you for the things we share, and I love you for the things that make you unique and different."
A clone is the ultimate "yes man." A partner is the person who will stand by your side even when the answer is no.
A clone feeds your ego, because they already agree with everything you think. A partner is someone you love regardless of whether or not they agree with you, because it's not about feeding an ego.
To fit together and make a beautiful picture, a puzzle needs pieces of different sizes and shapes, different colors. Two pieces that are identical make one of them unnecessary.
She clearly was not looking for a clone, a duplicate puzzle piece in male form. She was happy loving a whole man who in some ways is very different from herself. And loving him, not IN SPITE OF the difference, but because of them and the way that the differences and similarities in your lives came together to make a truly magnificent picture.
Clones are relatively easy to find. There are countless chameleons among us, especially among women, who will pretend to be whatever a man wants her to be.
But real love? THAT is rare and precious and a gift beyond all measure. And I believe the very universe weeps when someone throws it away.
You clearly love her. She clearly loves you. The rest is just detail.
(Image from Sarah-land)