Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Negotiating through the first year of marriage

I recently saw a video talking about how difficult the first year of marriage can be.  Even if you are madly in love (which we are), committed to a lifetime relationship (which we are), and have a pretty good skill set when it comes to communication (which we do), there are still some speed bumps you have to get over.  Some of the ones that have surprised me include:

Music to fall asleep by.  We both like to have music playing as we drift off to sleep.  Awesome.  Or not!  To some people (me) sleep-inducing music falls into the categories of classic, soft jazz or New Age.  For others (him), it is more along the lines of classic rock.  Hmmm...didn't expect that one!

Meals to eat at restaurants.  We both like to eat out.  Great!  We are both pretty flexible in the choices of which ones.  Even better.  But I love to eat breakfast out.  Feels like it starts the day right.  He's not that into breakfast.  He's more of a dinner out guy.  Given my choice, by supper time, I'd be happy with some cheese and fruit. Who knew?

And then there was the trying to compromise when no compromise was needed....

Decorating the house.  I love decorating. Love picking out paint colours and furniture and art work.  So I assumed (and you know what they say about that word!) that the way my darling's house was decorated was the way he really wanted it.  So I set about trying to figure out how to combine his style with mine.  His minimalist, white walls and wood furniture with my ideas in either post-industrial repurposing or shabby-chic. (OK, so I'm a little eclectic!)

What I failed to get, was that what was in his house was NOT his style.  In fact, it was a complete disinterest in style!  The walls were white not because he favoured an airy brightness.  It was because they came that way! And the wood furniture?  Mostly leftovers from post-college days.  It still worked, so it was left alone.

So my pouring over design magazines to try and identify a compromise style?  All for naught!  (Well, maybe not, since I got some great ideas -- mostly post-industrial repurposing or shabby-chic, but hey, they were ideas!) Anyhow, turns out that he is pretty much okay with anything along as:

a) He fits on the furniture (he's 6'5")
b) It's not too lacy or too pink

You know, after watching that video, I was worried.  Now, 3 months into that dreaded first year, I'm encouraged.  It seems to be working pretty darn well :-)

Do you have any first year surprises to share?  I would love to hear them!

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