Love them anyway...

Wonderful advice for life

There are so many times when I've been told that I'm wasting my time. That I shouldn't help this person, or believe that one. That I shouldn't love someone (or least, I shouldn't tell them) until I know that they love me and they won't hurt me and that they will stay.

But life just doesn't work that way. Sometimes our best efforts and most heartfelt expressions go awry and we lose. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. And sometimes, when you think you've done everything right, the pain of loss is nearly unbearable.

And yet...

I refuse to live my life trying to protect myself from pain. No, I do not want to hurt. Yes, I want to be loved and cherished. But I cannot spend what little time we have on this earth trying to hide from disappointment and pain.

So despite the risks, and the cost to me, I have to say I will help when someone needs help I can give...even if they might never appreciate what I do. And I will try to reach for dreams even if there isn't a chance in the world I will succeed...because there is always a chance in heaven I will.

But most of all, I will tell the people I love that I love them. I will never be stingy with love, of all things. And yes, like the song says,

"You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons...
In a moment, they can turn and walk away...
Love them anyway."

Non-attachment and love -- can you have both?

Is it possible to really and truly love someone and at the same time practice non-attachment?

• Love is caring intensely about another person's happiness. More so than one's own happiness.
  
• Non-attachment means that we observe their happiness or unhappiness but do not become either elated or despondent about what happens to them. No matter what happens to them.
  

• Love wants to have contact with the beloved. To see, to hear, to touch, to talk with, to experience.
  
• Non-attachment accepts the time together and the time apart with equal satisfaction. It does not want the beloved to go away, but neither does it seek to prolong time together, nor minimize absence.
  

• Love seeks intimacy by knowing and understanding the beloved.
  
• Non-attachment accepts what is shown or given, but does not seek to create intimacy through seeking or asking.
  

• Love remembers and imagines the beloved when they are not near, recreating their presence through memories, personal mementos, or perhaps a shared favorite song.
  
• Non-attachment accepts separation and does not seek to create a feeling of connection through memories or objects. And of course, non-attachment never has a favorite song.
  

• Love wants to be loved in return
  
• Non-attachment accepts one's own feelings without expecting or even wanting anything from another.
  

Today I am far from my beloved. And I miss him. I played a song that reminds me of him. I have been thinking about the fun things we've done together, the wonderful talks we've had. I've imagined our next visit.

And I have failed entirely in non-attachment. Or have I?

It is my personal feeling that non-attachment was never meant to apply to people. That loving and caring for people is the whole point of this sometimes otherwise pointless existence. Non-attachment is wonderful for freeing us from loving things, from wanting things, from keeping things from others who might need them. From putting a love of transient objects as the center of our lives.

But the Buddha was a compassionate man. He taught skills to help people overcome suffering. He did not sit by, dispassionately while people suffered and keep his enlightenment to himself. He cared. He loved. The way other people felt mattered to him and he spent the majority of his life trying to relieve suffering and increase happiness.

How did we get from that gentle, compassionate man to a place where we see virtue in not becoming attached to PEOPLE? For never really opening our hearts to the beauty of love.

Haven't we missed the whole point?