The return of Anam Cara

About a year and half ago, I wrote a post about the meaning of Anam Cara...soul friends.

Over the past few years, I've gone through some dark times. Times when I was so lonely I thought the pain of it would break me. Stress. Loss.

But I look around me now, and I see that despite all of that, I have built a life where I have good friends...and some of these people I did not know four years ago are Anam Cara.

These are handful of men and women who have become a part of the very fabric of my life. I cannot image NOT knowing them. How do I know they are Anam Cara?

When they arrive at a party or show up at the restaurant where we are meeting, the room seems brighter and warmer and friendlier. I like seeing their number come up on my phone and hearing their voice on the other end of a call.

These are people who would listen to a concern and genuinely care that I was hurting -- and they are the first to rejoice when something good happens to me. They share their fears and hurts and joys with me, too, knowing that I really do care. We matter to each other in ways that casual acquaintances just cannot. I can let them see the "real me" without fear, and I know that they trust me with their own genuine selves.

The hug is real, the "how are you" is sincere and the smile they offer when we meet in genuine.

So on the cusp of the New Year, I want to say thank you to these special people in my life. My family-by-choice. My Anam Cara.

(Image from Elfwood by Lydia Thomas)

New friends, old friends, real friends, pseudo friends

Okay, so it's not Dr. Seuss, because I doubt any of his books contained the term "pseudo" but the idea is the same. And this is my book! So pseudo remains.

I see a stack of people...old friends who have been a part of my life for so long, forming the base. New friends added to them. All of those as a real friends, all sparkling, golden, precious.

And then there are the pseudo friends. Not false friends. That is something that wouldn't even be in my book. But not really part of that wonderful group that glitters with love and caring. More like acquaintances. Potential friends -- some of them, to be sure. But others destined to remain outside of the circle -- familiar names, recognizable faces. But not the people we would call to share the big news, the small accomplishments, the secret fears or the maybe-too-silly dreams.

And yet they belong in my book. A hug, a shared laugh, some time over a lunch or a cup of tea. A friendly face in a crowd. A shared day at some public event or mutual friend's party.

A part of the blessings. Just not part of the stack...yet.

Into the moment....

On Sunday, I went to the Jazz Brunch by the water in Fort Lauderdale. I had posted this on Facebook nearly a month ago, so it was on my calendar and well planned. On Sunday at just after 9 a.m., we were there, sitting in a beautiful spot under a tree, right by the water, watching boats going by, talking, relaxing, waiting for the music. All part of the plan.

The music started, we sat back and listened and started on our picnic brunch. Peaches so juicy it took two or three napkins each to deal with sticky hands and juice-soaked chins. Cheeses. French bread. Nuts and dried fruit. Yogurt. Ice-cold bottles of water. A good book at hand. Music. A breeze. What more could we want?

Then a friend came by with some friends of his. Would we like to join them for lunch? We had our lunch with us -- had been eating. So why would we go? But then they said, just come for drinks...and why not? A few minutes out of the sun. A few minutes away from our plans. No problem. So we went. And we sipped iced tea and other cool drinks. And we talked. And the friends of the friend went from strangers to people we connected with. A couple that lives just down the street from me. Another who graduated from the same university. People with common interests and goals. Families with kids at home or at college who shared birth years or majors.

The guise of strangers fell away as connections were added to connections. The few minutes planned stretched into an hour.

"Do you want to go out on the boat with us?"

For a brief moment, the thought crossed my mind...what about the jazz? The plans? But the offer of a sunny afternoon on the water quickly won out. We walked back to our space under that shady tree and packed up books and brunch and blankets and headed for the boat.

On-board, the one hour sail tuned into 3 or more. Strangers no more, I chatted with women and men who I had never met before that afternoon -- how could it be? They felt like friends! What a treat this day had become!

In the middle of the fun and laughs and great conversations, I stepped back from the moment and thought about the day. It had begun amid plans. Good plans. But the offer of new directions and new friends had drawn us away from those plans and into the unexpected.

And I realized that this wonderful day held a great message for my life.

I had planned. Prepared. I had the things I needed for the day at hand. I had direction. But I also accepted the offer of positive change, and shifted plans to accommodate the new opportunities. Easy to do when the choices are among jazz by the water, lunch and an afternoon on the water. Now the trick will be to remember that lesson in life when the choices aren't quite so delightful.

Plan.
Prepare.
Prepare to change.

Working on it!

Friends through the glass

My brother sent me this photo today....two creatures that should be running away from one another, getting to know one another through the glass. A safe barrier, a way to bridge the differences while keeping the risks under control.

As I looked at it online, I thought about how the Internet is kind of like that glass door. On our blogs, on e-mails, on wikis and chat lists, we get to know one another. If we passed one another at the bookstore or local cafe, we might never exchange a word...differences in age, gender, education, wealth, or appearance might keep us from ever saying hello, much less sharing our thoughts, feelings, dreams, or even family photos. We would never cheer one another up through job losses and bad medical diagnosis, nor send kudos on a new birth or a new job. We would remain strangers, barely noticed, or perhaps never even imagined.

Like the cat and the deer, we would stay far from one another.

Whatever the weaknesses of the Internet might be -- and certainly there are many -- it has at last provided people around the world with a long-needed glass door through which they can meet and say hello, and share a moment. Construction workers and doctors. People with perfectly sculpted bodies and those whose bodies barely function. American Jews and Syrian Muslims. College freshmen and octogenarians. through the glass of the Internet, we touch noses. We look into virtual eyes, and we see souls.

The Qu'ran says that nations and faiths were created differently so that we would have to make the effort and get to know one another. How exciting is it to speculate that this computer we are sitting at today, wherever you are, is part of that plan.