I was warned that it would get harder toward the end. That the last week or so of Ramadan would become more difficult. I should have listened.
Not that I could have done anything about it. But I still should have listened.
I am tired, weak. I am often confused. Daily functions have gotten more difficult and the days seem longer instead of shorter.
The feeling of intense well-being I experienced in the early days is gone. My day has been reduced to the necessary, the essential. All extras have been pared away.
I do my work. my driving, my daily breaking of the fast, and my sleep. Conversation is with only a few people.
Emotions are both sharp and mutted. It's like they are clearer, purer. But wrapped in cotton wool. They bruise instead of cut. And the depth is greater.
It's harder being alone. Fear is suddenly just below the surface. Not of any one thing, except of being alone.
Is this intended to be a part of the fast? Am I meant to experience this disolution of energy and power and focus? Is this part of the lesson?
2 comments:
I don't necessarily always get that at the end, sometimes I get that at the beginning or at various times. But if the body starts to wear down from the fasting, it does become harder to function. It does teach one how the hungry people have a big hurdle to overcome and less ability to overcome it due to hunger. But keep going back to that Qur'an, to the dua'a, to God. That's where every relief is.
You're right...it does teach us how hard it is to function with chronic hunger. And imagine...I enjoy a nice Iftar each night and still feel this way. How much more if I did not have that releif always in the back of my mind.
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