Live Music

As I write this, I am sitting in a local coffee house on open mike night...or rather morning, as it's now past midnight.

I came here to use the WiFi for a few minutes, to have a cup of tea. That was two hours ago. The music and poetry have kept me in my seat, fascinated with the words and music before me. Such a gift I am giving myself tonight, sitting here, listening.

Why do I forget how much my soul craves live music and poetry, letting weeks, sometimes even months go by without a night like this?

Some of the performers.... JWordsmith, Crystal, Jester. Most of them on MySpace. All of them here, sharing their music and poetry.

Such a gift I am giving myself.

Reflections on a call

Your voice on the phone instantly calms me.
Swirling lists of things I think I have to do before the sun sets...
Before the sun rises...
Settle into patterns on the carpet
Like the long rays of winter sun though the kitchen window

I lose myself in your voice
and allow the sound to wash over me.
Smooth
Warm
Caressing tones
Sometimes missing the words, hearing only the music

Why do you love me....

That's the question Fallen Angel asked on her blog post Reasons to Love.

Most of us have been asked that question at one time or another, most of us have asked the question of our significant others. And when it's our turn to answer, we stumble through, trying to sound profound and thoughtful. Or perhaps we side-step it with humor... "I love you because you make great lasagna." That elusive "Why" is not clearly out there for most people.

But Fallen Angel was asking why we ask. She was asked.

I think we ask because we are, at that moment, looking for a reason to love ourselves. So what we are really saying is: "Is there anything lovable about me?"

So why isn't "I love you because you are you" enough?

Because at the moment we ask, we are looking for some concrete examples of who or what we are that comes across as lovable. Admirable. Worthy. That makes it a hard question to answer, even if we profoundly love someone.

Yes, coming up with an answer is challenging.

But we need to remember when we hear this question that it's an even harder question to ask, because as Fallen Angel concluded:

On the other hand, I`ve never askedthis question. Never out loud. Partly because the question implies the assumption that I actually am loved. And I wouldn`t want that illusion shattered....

(photo from Black & White. Fekete-Fehér Képek)

Friends through the glass

My brother sent me this photo today....two creatures that should be running away from one another, getting to know one another through the glass. A safe barrier, a way to bridge the differences while keeping the risks under control.

As I looked at it online, I thought about how the Internet is kind of like that glass door. On our blogs, on e-mails, on wikis and chat lists, we get to know one another. If we passed one another at the bookstore or local cafe, we might never exchange a word...differences in age, gender, education, wealth, or appearance might keep us from ever saying hello, much less sharing our thoughts, feelings, dreams, or even family photos. We would never cheer one another up through job losses and bad medical diagnosis, nor send kudos on a new birth or a new job. We would remain strangers, barely noticed, or perhaps never even imagined.

Like the cat and the deer, we would stay far from one another.

Whatever the weaknesses of the Internet might be -- and certainly there are many -- it has at last provided people around the world with a long-needed glass door through which they can meet and say hello, and share a moment. Construction workers and doctors. People with perfectly sculpted bodies and those whose bodies barely function. American Jews and Syrian Muslims. College freshmen and octogenarians. through the glass of the Internet, we touch noses. We look into virtual eyes, and we see souls.

The Qu'ran says that nations and faiths were created differently so that we would have to make the effort and get to know one another. How exciting is it to speculate that this computer we are sitting at today, wherever you are, is part of that plan.

Decorating my space

I am a very visual person -- tell me a story, and I will see it in my head. Sometimes a good thing, sometimes really, really not!

But being visual, it's no wonder that one of my first thoughts on this job was "How can I decorate my office?"

It's plain. Boring. I posted a few photos and a congrats poem the first day. Hung my Rumi calendar. And that was it.

This company is big on encouraging people to decorate their personal space. They even sell lithographs to other people in other companies to decorate THEIR space. But I can figure out what I want to do here.

Warm and cozy? Exotic and mysterious? Peaceful and soothing? Modern and sleek? I did some searching on office decorating online -- sadly, most of the posts said "don't" Not an option. I was hoping for inspiration, not prohibitions!

What does your office look like? Are you allowed to decorate? Or indeed even encouraged to do so? I would love to hear about your office decorations or cubicle decorations. Pictures would be great, too!

Looking for inspiration...can you help?

Walking down the middle of the road online

How much is too much...online?

Those of us who blog have grown used to journaling our lives for public view. But how much is too much?

I've seen blogs and web pages that tell all...names, places, photos, and details! LOTS OF DETAILS! Details that make me blush, or wonder when the attorneys will be showing up.

And there are other blogs that take it to the opposite extreme, making me wonder why they even bother to have a profile. There is no insight, no personal observations -- it's about a dry as reading the fine print on my Visa bill.

So where is the balance? Or does it just depend?

Is it okay, maybe even therapeutic to let it all show? A cheap substitute for a therapist?

What do you think, gentle readers? Where do you draw the line? Do you ever cross it? And how close to that line do you think my posts go?

Loving the new job!!

From so worried, to having a great time! Wow! What an amazing few days!

I need to learn to trust the universe! Clearly, God has better plans for me than any of my own!

Saying good-bye, saying hello

For almost three years, I've had a job I love. Even on the bad days, I loved being at work. The craziness, the impossible deadlines, the grumpy clients. Loved it.

Friday, I quit.

On Monday, I'll start a new job. More pay. New people. New challenges.

It's scary, but exciting. A new way to grow.

AT first, I only I listened to the people who offered my new job because I could go no further financially at my current company. Unfortunately, with kids and the rising cost of everything else, my bills were outstriping my income Way scary!

But once I listened, and dealt with my fears with the help of S, (a very special and unbelievable patient guy), my brother, and other very, very special friends here and far away (Will I be able to do a new job? Will they like me? Will I like them?), I took the offer. And I resigned from the job I have loved and learned from for the past few years.

Excitement is taking over the fear. I am ready to stretch a bit...to reach somewhere new.

What are your experiences with new jobs? new assignments? Were you excited from the start? Or as scared as I was? How did you grow from the experience? I would love to know!